Friday, January 6, 2012

Day 124: A Friendly Dream

I won't name names here because I want to maintain the innocence of the innocent, but last night I had a dream about an old friend who I effectively had a "friend breakup" with about three years ago. She had been one of my best friends in college and though we moved to different places after school, we kept in touch frequently via phone. I'd visited her in her city and she'd visited me in mine.

There was never a truly clean break in the friendship for me. After my girlfriend and I visited her and her boyfriend one summer, she completely cut off contact with me and never spoke to me again. There had been signs that it was impending, as she didn't attempt to contact me that much in the months leading up to the visit. She also seemed extremely put out to have me there and I felt the entire time as if I was inviting myself (even though we'd put her up in our home a year or two earlier).

I wasn't the best friend to her and I regret not being more loyal and trustworthy. She would send me birthday cards and all I would do was post on her Facebook wall and call her (if I remembered). During my crazy period of trying to raise funds for my Web series, I pestered her for money, because she had a real job, I figured "of course she'll give me money, she's one of my best friends." Friendship and money doesn't always mix well and I regret having pushed her so much, especially for a project that failed so spectacularly.

Every so often, I send her an e-mail or a Facebook message, but since that fateful trip to her neck of the woods, I've never gotten back a single reply. This truly was a break-up and I should probably get the hint that she never wants to hear from me again. But I'm a sentimental guy and I have a tough time letting go of things sometimes. During college she was incredibly supportive of my artistic endeavors and she loved seeing the plays I was in. She wanted to read the things I wrote. Since college, I haven't had too many people that were so invested with what I did. Maybe I miss the friendship with her because of that, for a selfish reason.

But I also miss listening to her. Her life was so different from mine and it was really cool to hear how much it was diverging after school.

After the dream I had last night, in which the two of us talked about why she cut off contact between us, I looked her up in real life and found out she was recently engaged to her boyfriend. I'm extremely happy for her and I hope that the two of them have an amazing life together. I'm grateful that she's doing well and I'm grateful for the time the two of us were able to have as friends.

I think that's the best way to avoid getting stuck in the past as I tend to do. Be grateful for that part of you that's been shaped by your time with that person. Even if I never speak with my friend again, she will always be a part of me in that way. How can I not be happy about that? :)

Today, I began work on a new book after finishing 1,000 Character Writing Prompts yesterday. This book is my first attempt at straight up humor and it's currently called Why I'm Not Famous Yet. I also wrote a blog post about the creativity conundrum of talent.

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